Thursday, October 15, 2015

Water Girl: bowling team

WANTED: Water girl. Bring us water and food. Pay is little fun is huge. Catch: it's for a bowling team. Uncatch: We'll share our prize money. 

Call **********

This is the 15th add I've replied to. If it says money, I'll take it. I get the job. Requirements were: be sexy to throw the other teams off. I guess I'm sexy enough to distract a bowling team. I start on Wednesday. 

The 12 pound ball glides off my fingers whooshing through the air, only to drop the floor with a bang. 
"Jardin! Hit the pins down, not the floorboards!" Mark yells. He's my "boss," my very sexy boss. 
The team laughs. I pick up another ball and hurl it down the lane. Gutterball! 
Mark laughs. I start getting angry. 
"You know, the point of bowling is to actually hit the pins." 
"Well the point of being a water girl is not to bowl. So shut up." I say dejectly. Mark pulls me aside. 
"Hey these guys have been playing since they were kids. Except Brett. He started last month. He's weird though." True. "What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't beat yourself up." His big brown eyes concentrate on mine. 
"It doesn't really matter since I'm just the water girl." I reply. 
"Well speaking of that, we've got a home game next..." He says but I don't hear. I'm too busy looking at his soft hair, and sharp jaw line. "...lemonade. Are you listening?"
"Yeah yeah game next Friday."
Mark laughs. He tells me that since I'm here I might as well learn to bowl. He gives me an 8 pound ball. It looks like paper in his strong arms. Focus. 
"Go ahead, and toss is like this." He makes a pose. I step up to the lane, swing my arm back, close my eyes. Swing my arm forward, let go. I turn around. ...
"You hit a pin!"
"I hit a pin!!?"
Mark runs up, and very awkwardly high fives me. 

Next Tuesday. Big day. Grizzly Bowls (me) take on The Fast Lane. There are other teams, but let's be honest. We're the best. If we win, our teams of five gets 10,000 dollars and a free trip to the bowling nationals. Mark is captain, Brett, Jim, and Antoine are star players. I'm the water girl. The prospect of 2,000 dollars brightens my day. I got off the bus at 10:40. The tournament starts at 11:00. Now I sit here waiting. I have already set up the water cooler, and put in some lemonade powder. Slowly people start arriving. None of the other teams have water girls. I feel prettyyyy dumb. Finally my team gets here. 
"Hey guys!" 
"Hi piper" is the monotonous reply. 
Considering that bowling isn't a very exerting sport, Mark comes over to me for breaks quite a bit. 
"We're on a roll!!" Mark will say. We've beat 3 teams now. The Fast Lane just needs to defeat the Pig Pins to advance and face us. Jim heads over. 
"Cup please." 
"Right away!"
I hand him a waiting cup of lemonade. The first cup to be given out. 
Jim takes a sip and his face turns bright red! He drops the cup screaming, "What kind of water is that?!!?" 
"It's not water, it's lemonade!" 
Jim falls to the ground, gasping for air. 
"Call.. An ambulance.." 
"I Don't have a phone !!" Mark and Antoine run over. Mark dials 9-11. 
"Piper! Don't tell me you brought lemonade!" Antoine yells "Jim is allergic to lemonade powder. ALLERGIC PIPER." 
I start crying. "I didn't know!" I wail. "Now Jim is going to die and its all my fault!"
The paramedics rush in and put Jim on a stretcher. A woman comes over to tell me that Jim will be fine. 
The Fast Lane just won their match. We're up against them, without Jim. Uh-oh. We need 4 bowlers. I'll save you the trouble of reading that embarrassment. We lose, horribly. Mark doesn't say a word. I very much dislike bowling. I call jim. He's fine, but the medical bill was pretty big. I offer to pay what I can... Which is basically nothing. At least no one pulled a gun on me today lol. 

Monday, October 12, 2015

Mad Money

Saturday. 4:00 P.M. Its been a while since I lost my job. I've been doing a few things here and there for a couple of bucks. I had put my name and number on telephone polls and now I sit here, waiting. And by here I mean my basically empty apartment. I should get a roommate.. It is now empty because I've sold basically everything to keep living here. Funny. Phone is ringing!! I scramble to pick it up.
"Hello?" I practically squeal. A deep voice replies. He wants me to meet someone. A man named Hemson Tenths. He says he will arrange the meeting. Little Tokyo. Monday, 3:00. I need to get information. He'll pay me afterwards. He hangs up. I'll admit, this is pretty sketchy, but I need the money. Only money to be made in this town is always doing something questionable. And considering the lack of police force in this town, it won't be close to an issue. For crying out loud, a man was set on fire last week. I'm not even doing anything illegal! 
Monday. 2:35 P.M. I head over because of nerves. And lack of a life. I walk into the restaurant and brush off the rain. I look for a dark seat. The restaurant has poor lighting, so this isn't hard. A man walks up, and introduces himself as Cho. He is short and has lines on his face from smiling too much. He offers me discounted bubble tea while I wait. 
Tenths walks in. I know because who wear a trench coat? 
"Hiya!" he chirps "What's your name? Since you already know mine!" I don't really know what to say, I don't know what I need to know. He goes on saying,  "So, you're blackmailing me yeah? I can't let info like that go unchecked, so here I am! But, what is it you want, huh? Your must want something, or else you wouldn't have called me out here. Is it information? You wanna know something? I'd love to tell you something! You do want to know something right? I bet it's about that dead girl! Oh! I've got a picture on my phone here let me-"
I can't do this. 
"No!" I practically shout. I want to get out of here-this guy is crazy. "I don't want to see a dead child." We sit in silence. "...Your girlfriend." I finally try. "I want to hear about your girlfriend." 
He starts rambling on and on, "Well, I had this one friend from a long time ago who worked at a Beauty Supply store and sold some of her husband's product on the side."
"You were with a married woman?!"
"Wait, so you actually were talking about romantic partners?"
I start getting frantic.
"What else would I be talking about?!"
"I'm sorry lady, but I don't really follow you. Why would you wanna know about that?" 

I'm not good at this. I get up and start collecting my things. I turn around to pick up my umbrella, then I go. 
"Wait a sec, lady." I turn around, annoyed. "You're not gonna tell anyone about what you found out, yeah?"
"Dunno, It's not like you gave me any inclination not to."
"Aw, sweetheart that wasn't a question!" he laughs as he pulls out a small revolver. My heart skips a beat.

 "You wouldn't kill me he-"
"Of course not," the cylinder tumbled open, revealing the empty chambers. "this isn't even loaded. I'm just saying if word gets out about me, I might have to, y'know. Pew pew!"
I nod my head and back out of the store. I thought he was crazy, but not this crazy. I go home, and try not to cry.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Dog Days

I open my eyes.  I look to the digital clock on my right. It's on large cardboard moving box, along with an empty crate of ice cream.  6 A.M.  Ugh. I know my alarm won't go off for another hour, but I push my heavy blankets aside and shiver as I put my warm toes on the cold floor. Better to be early than late. Well, not really. I sit down in front of my mirror (it's one of those cheap 5 dollar ones that you're supposed to hang on the wall). Ugh again. That song from Mulan comes to mind. I tuck my hair behind my ear. I realize the bags under my eyes take up my entire face. I tug on my cheek and push on my nose. At least my skin has cleared up. BEEP BEEP..
"AAH!!" I scream and fall back, kicking my legs out, making contact with glass. Then the dreaded shatter of a mirror. "Shit!" BEEP BEEP.. I carefully get up BEEP BEEP making sure not to step on any glass BEEP BEEP and turn that asinine machine off. That really didn't feel like an hour. It's a good thing I don't believe in bad luck, because looking at that mirror now, it's obliterated. I leave the glass where it is, with absolutely no motivation whatsoever to clean it up. I then pick up a shirt from a laundry basket and a skirt laying out on the ground. I find a bra in one of my boxes and by the time I've found my whole outfit I've touched every corner of my room. For breakfast I have a banana and aspirin. Time to go.

I pull up to Business Express at 8:10 A.M. My jobs isn't great - well, it is a paycheck. Which I really need. I walk to the end of the hall and open the door that doesn't fit into the frame. I work as a.. I do.. web design. It's a dumb job. It doesn't sound dumb, but I work for a - well never mind.  It's what I get for being smart, but not smart enough to go to college. And I can't go now because the banks won't approve my loans. Screw them.
Finally, the clock turns 12:00 P

.M. Lunch break. I'm the only one in my office, so I head out alone. I walk down the hall and see a sign on a door that reads THERAPY right as it swings open.
"Ouch!" I say before I run into it. Smack. Yeah. That hurts. A lady steps out, in her hand a can of Kola.
"Oh my heavens I am SO sorry my dear!" She exclaims. "Do come in, I must make it up to you at once!"
"Really, it's okay," I say with a funny voice because my nose is bleeding. I try to walk away, but she grabs me and pulls me into her office. I can't tell where we're going seeing as I can't see.
"I'm Ms. M. Take a seat dear. I'll give you a free therapy session as a way to make it up."
"No, really, I just want to get lunch." I try to say. I don't want to talk. She could make it right by letting me go.
"Just tell me about your day..."

I step out of my once red car(it's now a strange burnt umber) with a steaming cup of tea. It's 12:45 P.M. My car gives a weak beep when I lock it, and I fumble to open my purse with one hand. I grab the zipper, and spill the tea down my front. I take a deep breath in. It's okay. I look up at the dinky beauty shop ahead. It's this store that needs a makeover. I pull open the old door, its hinges screaming. It hardly needs those bells. Inside I see basically what I expect. A salon chair in the back, mirrored walls, and lots of mannequin heads. A woman in the back turns around.
"Hiya doll, what can I do ya for?" Her voice comes our deep and gravelly.
"Oh, I guess I need to spice things up a bit. Something different," I respond. "I do have a budget." She laughs.
"By the way, my name's Betty."
"Piper." We shake hands.
"Let me show you around to the makeup section," she takes two steps over. "and I'm guessing you'll need a buttload of concealer considering ya nose."

I head back to my office, and arrive at 2:15 P.M. I walk down the long hall again. I twist the knob on my door. It doesn't open. I knock.
"Hello! Anyone here?" A  piece of paper slides out from under the door. I pick it up and flip it over. It reads, YOU'RE FIRED. "Is this a joke!?" I bang on the door. "Hey! I don't even know who my boss is!" I sit down, and let my head fall into my arms. I can't get fired, I barely make it as it is. I walk down the dark and smelly hall for perhaps the last time. The carpet is dumb anyway. I go home and collapse.

Monday, August 10, 2015

First Day -- Apt. 777

The day started with disappointment, and a huge headache. I couldn't believe it. I've been on the waitlist for this apartment for 2 years. They didn't even let me in this hole until I signed the lease. And now, it's perfectly clear to me. It's a scam. I sat down on an overstuffed brown box. I look at the dismal peeling walls and stained carpet. Thats when my head started throbbing. I need some aspirin. I got up and started sorting through all my unpacked junk. Where's my cabinet stuff? I realize that the idiot moving men must have taken it up to the 13th floor. I mean, who takes a box reading bathroom cabinet to a construction site? Ugh. I Decide to go to El Cheapos. Maybe they've got some there. I think it's the only convenience store around. Screw this town.  The only good aspect is that it's close to my job. Which isn't really that great because the only part of my day I enjoy is the commute.

I arrive at El Cheapos with little hope. I open the door to really loud bells, and an exited,
"Hello!" the store manager has a huge grin.
"Hi.." I quietly reply, trying to show him that loudness was really unwanted right then. I really need some aspirin. I cannot express the pure joy I feel when I finally sighted that small white bottle.  Oh thank god! I grab a bottle of water and make my way to the cashier. I turn around and grab two liters of water. Who knows if I'll have drinking water tonight.

On the way home, I get stuck behind a long line at the red light. I notice that the window in one of these storefronts has no reflection. That's odd. I keep staring at the window when I'm woken from my trance by a loud honk. Thats when it dawned on me, there was no glass there. What kind of store does't have windows? One that has recently been robbed I guess. I head to my 'home' where my evening will consist of microwaved dinners, ice cream, and a subpar slumber on an deflated inflatable mattress.